A week of sweet surrender.

Last Thursday I had my first Dr. appointment here in Texas, which has taken me a full week of processing and crying and TRUSTING in God. The ultrasound was long per usual and the Doctors report not good, honest and thourough, but not hopeful. Phoenix is a MYSTERY. he has so many different "issues/ anomalies" that they are not sure what the best and right treatments (surgeries) will be, "IF" and she emphasised the if he were to make it through labor and delivery, we would work with many different surgeons and the NiCU would be our home away from home for some time. Now most of this was a reality to us anyway, but with new evidence of Phoenix having a new condition, called HPE, Stillborn to a very short life was a reality that we had not been entertaining and now we are at Peace with it, but are hoping for much more life for him.

This past week has been full of questions, that tend to begin with WHY??? and in the end all those questions have opened the flood gates of understanding; that we'll probably never understand much of this. But do we really understand much in this life, all trials, heartache, and rough roads only make us stronger or weaker. I believe they are full of new discoveries, of who we are, who God is and who the people we surround ourselves with are. I love that aspect, espiecially when it's all said and done, you can see much more clearly. i feel overwhelmed by the Grace of God and the amazingly supportive and encouraging friends and family I am walking this road with, I am rich in this life. All of this to say, letting go of having a plan and realizing that LIFE is LIFE, whether Phoenix's is days or a full life, it has been and will teach us so much of the beauty and fight of living, that we shouldn't take one day for granted or one life. I see all this healthy babies daily and I think, what a blessing and then a moment later can take Rowan for granted, this is the process isn't it? Loveing the ones we have and growing in the Love of God which is deeper and wider than anything we know.

This week is one of great anticipation and preparation for the birth of little Phoenix, we are so excited and elated, for the first time this whole pregnancy. We haven't had a chance between negative reports to really get excited, but as the weeks draw close to an end, and the continual growing of my belly we know the day is near. Tomorrow, we have an appointment to meet with the team of Doctors and surgeons that will be working with us and to hear a "plan of action" after he is born, of course all of that is pending how severe these different issues are. I am suppossed to be induced in the next couple weeks, so they will hopefully set that date as well tomorrow.

Love to you all and will update as soon as I know. Thank you for walking this journey with us!!!