Friday, January 15, 2010

New Year...New LIBERATION!!

AHHHH. Picture me taking a huge exhale, in utter amazement of the whirlwind of winding rough roads this past year has been. I could write a book on this year alone and all the Seasons of change, heartache, refreshing and love we have experienced, along with a million other adjectives that would hold their own chapters. But here we are standing at the other end embracing a NEW YEAR, full of many new surprises and challenges I am sure.
So the last month has been the craziest of all, we spent 16 days in Chicago and Wisconsin and it was bursting with time with people we love and full of the many kindness' of God. We returned on January 1st and moved to a new apartment on the 2nd, which was insane, but as I stare at boxes in front of me, almost three weeks later, I know that I am a changed woman. I am learning to roll with it and be ok (some days anyway) to allow my life to be the chaos that it is. There is always room for growth, but there is ALWAYS NEED and room for GRACE for ourselves and from God.
I flew back to Chicago on the 7th for the Phoenix Runway Hairshow and Benefit, which one of my dearest friends put together. It was on the 11th, and let me just say it was EXQUISITE, she worked tirelessly on it and it was perfect in every way. 500 guests, most of whom I did not know, came to support the hairstylists that did the amazing hair and Support us as a family. I was overwhelmed and so thankful for all the love and support we experienced. I will post pictures as soon as they are available and write more, cause this could be a chapter in itself.
I returned to San Antonio on the 12th and Phoenix and I flew to Dallas on the 13th for an orthopedic Dr. appt, this is our third Dr, that is why i went all the way to dallas. It has been a hard and strange process for me and I honestly left Dallas feeling discouraged and a little bit frustrated. But today I got to talk with Phoenix's Physical therapist and she had some great feedback and felt that all and all the Dr.'s lack of concern was Good news. The current route we are going with taping and splinting his club foot has shown great results and we will continue to go that way. He does not have to have surgery at this point, which is GREAT news!!! Hardest news to swallow is that he has no feeling from the waist down and when a Dr. confirms it, with all the long term realities of it, such as no muscle tone and or control, my heart aches deeply and I find myself reaching to God for a miracle. This always lands me in a place of deep thought, and I have to remember that we can not understand God's ways or his plans and that the best place to rest is in Hope and Faith, that God is always faithful, no matter what it looks like to our small seeing eyes.
Can't believe it is February and I am still trying to settle into the apartment, not finding the time or energy I need to get it all sorted out. Mike always reminds me that the boys are the most important. So I am trying to keep my eyes and heart set on giving to them and when I get the moment do the rest.
My sister in law Lacey told me a story about a friend who picked one word for her new year and that was the word that she focused on and asked God to make her year look like. So this year my word is Liberation, which is a strong adjective, but I feel this promise over 2010.
I have realized and discovered so many or my strengths and weakness' this year. A lot of the trials I face are within myself, my own criticizing and my great weakness of desiring to please people. I know myself pretty well and have worked on this area within myself many times. And yet have discovered at a deep level that I allow myself to carry the expections and judgements of others that are placed on me. This is one area I know I am being liberated or set free from. This time I believe it is not in I don't care way of thinking. But instead, I will be strong and confident in the road I am walking and in the decisions I have to make for our family. I desire to walk in a bold and strong stance and to not allow my fears and others judgement pull at me. This season alone has allowed me to face deeper parts of my heart and put focus and energy into changing. It has also allowed me to feel isolated and in turn be hard on myself, but that is all part of last year.
My focus has shifted and I feel lighter and able to tune out my own self- critiquing and tune into encouragement and God. I am taking babysteps toward getting a grasp on the day to day running of a household that so overwhelm me. I am finiding time and peace to enjoy each day even if it means nothing got checked off my to-do list. This is a season and life only continues to ebb and flow towards newness.
We love you all and thankful for your friendship and love in our lives. I am hoping to update again soon as there is much more to share and never enough time!!!