Emotional days...

Summing up the last 10 or so days, the details of Phoenix's issues are too complex and even if I launch into them it is nearly impossible to understand the magnitude of it. That is ok, I understand that this would/ has been the same for me in similar situations for people I love, watching them walk through complex medical issues. It jsut gets difficult at times to never have answers you really want and desperately need.



But the Truth is life is full of unknowns for all of us and we need to focus on the knowns and do our best to Trust God with the unknowns. It has been a challenging time, I have just come out of an emotional few days and every little thing, set back would break me into a sobbing mess. I can't explain it, which is probably the hardest part. Not knowing all that I am feeling, but feeling it immensely is hard for me.



In a nut shell Phoenix back was flaring up and we got a hard report from the ophthamologist. Phoenix's optical nerves are premature, that means they will not mature, so we know that he see's, just not how well. Since they didn't develop correctly, outside a miracle, these nerves will only continue to deteriorate. These are moments when I feel the most blindsided and heartbroken for him, not only will he already not have a normal life, of walking and running and all the many many life passions that are associated with this, but he will always have issues with his spine and now his eyes. As a Mother, I feel like I can handle a lot, but these things sometimes just knock the wind out of me and I feel broken for him. Then I come back to the question of what will normal look like for him and what if our definition of normal is wrong?



God knit him together just as he is and I don't believe he makes mistakes, so he must have so much to teach me through his life. Already I have seen and understood so much, and this journey has only begun. It is lifelong for us as a family, you as my friends and for strangers as onlookers. Amazing that one life can affect so many others with such magnitude. It is these truths that I have to find rest in or the road is too challenging to walk.



I am feeling better these last few days and the emotions that I was so intensely feeling have passed, yet the heartache as I write remains. I continue to ask, seek and knock, hoping that I can continue to see God in each of these times and know what he is saying and doing.



Mike is doing great in school, and we as a family are falling into a groove for the most part. Rowan has the hardest time with my 5 appointment weeks, which I understand, because they are hard on me as well. He is growing so much in his vocabulary and adorableness, we are enjoying him. We are looking forward to the Fighting For Phoenix benefit that my friends in Chicago have been planning, it is only less than 2 weeks away. Mike is thrilled that he gets to see all of his friends as he has not seen many of them for 10 months now. I am thrilled to see everyone, celebrate Phoenix, watch Rowan and Olivia see eachother again, and have a break from specialist appointments.



Love to you all and thank you for staying a part of our lives.your love and prayers give us strength daily.